Sine Qua Non (tephramancy) wrote,
Sine Qua Non
tephramancy

If you don't know London, you won't get this.

Dear Boris,

OK, I get it. I understand. The tube is in a bit of a pickle, and sometimes you have to close it down to make sure it keeps running us rats back and forth to the race we so thrive on. I understand that your staff work terribly hard and try to disrupt things as little as possible, but what I do not understand is the following:

1. Why is it so difficult for you to employ IT staff who are actually capable of updating the TfL website correctly and in a timely fashion? Yes, I know you write messages on those lovely boards and put them in all the tube stations, but that assumes that we have actually been into a tube station between the time it goes up and the time we have to travel. Update the fucking website. Please.

2. Why is it that when you close down the Northern Line between Morden and Kennington do you only run a rail replacement bus service between Morden and Clapham Common? Clapham Common has no other tube lines going through it, no overground line, and the worst traffic in the known history of mankind. And it's two stops away from where the Northern Line starts up again. Really, how hard is it to make your rail replacement bus go TWO MORE BLOODY STOPS?

3. Please explain to me the theory behind hiring a man whose job it is to stand at the tube stations and distribute information regarding the lack of service, who then, when you ask him to repeat himself because he was talking too quietly, turns around and shouts "Don't get arsey with me, missy!" and then ignores you?

4. How is it that not a single member of TfL staff (perhaps with the exception of the quiet/shouty man) were aware of a signal failure that occured over an hour previously that was causing severe disruption to the Victoria Line, especially given the fact that said staff were advising passengers to take a train to Victoria as it would be quicker than getting two buses to Kennington? Trust me, it wasn't. Even when you take into consideration the roadworks on Balham High Street.

5. And how, after all this bloody nonsense, can you not fix the second lift at Kennington station? Surely that's why you close down the ruddy tubes in the first place! I should not ever have to queue for 15 minutes to get out of a tube station at midnight.

Yours, with no love at all,
Annoyed of Colliers Wood.

(It was TOTALLY worth going out though - Hot Tub Time Machine is many many flavours of awesome, and highly recommended. GO SEE IT.)
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